I do wonder where the desire to punish my body, mind and soul comes from. I’m not saying this in a spiritual godly way. I’m not religious in any sense really. I am God, we are all our own Gods. We make our decisions. We control what we can in our lives. We push the boundaries, if we want to. I’ve wanted to push my boundaries for years now. Ever since the first one got pushed, perhaps that was when I was 14 and took off from my country home in Suffolk to do work experience in the Department of Commerce in Washington D.C. I said goodbye to my parents and flew off across the Atlantic on my own, well with a plane full of strangers. I was completely comfortable with the journey I was embarking on. Or maybe it was getting to the top of a 20 metre rope hanging from a tree as a child... An adventurous trigger can happen anytime.
Adventures are unique. They can be big or small to provide satisfaction. Personally, these adventures, especially the longer and/or challenging ones provide a perspective. It reminds us of something we should not forget but are all guilty of, how lucky we are. The danger I put myself into by stepping out the door to do these expeditions, is self-inflicted and therefore it is still a danger that I count myself lucky to have had the opportunity to experience, even if it has deadly risks.
I only really get fully satisfied when I’m doing or planning something that tests me. This basically means that I’m always wanting to do something new, and therefore I have good practice at not being very good at things and then, these things eventually, after trial and error, become something I know how to control and manage and most of the time, enjoy.
Now all of this only goes for individual achievements, relationships are not something you can control, relationships/friendships have another person on the other side, also having input. I’ve learnt the hard way that relationships are not like individual goals and selfish achievements. They are totally apart and scare me even more so than all of my adventures put together. But that’s another story with an unknown ending eh?